Ever wondered what life with a newborn is really like? Here’s the honest, awkward, and uncomfortable truth about what it’s really like to have a newborn. I had no idea about the last one!!
I felt him move and I knew he was in there, but when all of a sudden there was a newborn baby in the hospital room with us, all I could say was “Oh, weird!”
Yes, that was my reaction upon seeing my baby for the very first time. I thought it was weird that I birthed a child from my nether regions and suddenly, there he was, our SON. I had read all the books, blog posts, and articles I could about what it would be like to be a mother, but nothing could actually prepare me for what life with a newborn was really going to be like. And yes, it was a little weird.
And yes, this is just another blog post about what it is like to be a mother (like the hundreds aforementioned), but I’m going to be 100% straight with you. I’m not going to tell you that my body naturally sprang back into amazing shape, or that I had a bladder of steel from day one. I’m going to tell you what nobody else will tell you about life with a newborn.
You won’t be able to poop. Not only do you feel weak and unable to push, but if you tore at all, you’ll be terrified or ripping those stitches. So eat lots of fiber and take some laxatives. Just try not to get backed up.
You will feel all the things. And it will make you a little crazy.
You will hate your husband. I have never felt more irritable than those first few weeks after my son was born. It’s definitely not the perfect little happy family vibe like in pictures. Sometimes, you will just want to slap him and tell him to go away. He won’t deserve it, and of course you love him even more now that he’s a dad, but you will also hate him for a little bit.
You will have a jello belly. After my son was born and I first felt my tummy, I laughed a little bit because it felt like jello. It was jiggly, wiggly, and there was lots of it. Don’t expect to be comfortable in a bikini anytime soon.
When your baby is first born, they might look a little weird. They might not be the cute, squishy, chubby things you imagine babies as being, and it might catch you off guard. And when someone tells you he totally looks like you, it’s okay to give them an icy glare (unless you’re a skinny bald man, in which case that would be accurate).
You will both hear and feel your baby’s poop. I remember one time we were saying a prayer and during a pause when the room was silent, our newborn had a “rocket” poop. I’m not kidding, it sounded like a rocket shooting out of his tiny booty. And more often, when I was holding him, I would actually feel him fill his diaper. Super gross, super weird.
You will wonder if you are diapering your baby wrong. I’m still not sure why, but every once in a while, my son would pee out of his diaper. My friend who doesn’t have kids was holding him when he was about a week old, and he actually peed all over her. Through his pants and diaper. I have no idea how it happened, but I questioned my diapering ability. I also stressed over how the little ruffle part was supposed to go over his tiny thighs. Looking back, I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t matter if it’s tucked in or pulled out.
You will feel like you need to shower with your baby right outside the shower so you can check on them every five seconds. It’s unnecessary, but also fine.
You will put baby shoes on your newborn and wonder what you were thinking when you bought them. They are ridiculous, unnecessary, and a waste of money.
You will feel like you are going to break your baby. Babies are so tiny and fragile-looking, and it’s totally understandable why you might feel like if you don’t hold them right or move super slow when transferring them to someone else, they will break. But they’re pretty tough, and this feeling is baseless.
Last, and most importantly, you will pee your pants. Remember how when you were pregnant and you would sneeze, sometimes you would pee your pants a little? Well that was just the beginning. After you give birth, your bladder muscles are going to be weak. Or more accurately, you will not be able to hold your pee in AT ALL. Let’s just say that my most embarrassing moment involves me emptying the entire contents of my bladder on the carpet in front of my son’s changing pad. Lesson learned. When you have to pee, go immediately.
So next time you feel the urge to slap your husband, take a deep breath of your baby’s heavenly scent and know it’s just a phase. One day, you’ll feel like a normal person again. It just might take a while.
Kersten says
Hahaha I’m glad I’m not the only one who peed herself right after giving birth!! Loved your honestly in this post!
Chelsea Johnson says
You did too!? That makes me feel so much better!!!
Carisa Smith says
Chelsea!! You’re writing is so relatable–is that a word?? And you write about the most embarrassing things, but in the best way. Its so real! I seriously can relate to everything and it brings back such good memories–and bad ones too, I guess! I can’t go running any more without peeing my pants a little. How is that for embarrassing?? Ha ha. I totally thought Owen looked like an old man. It was WEIRD! Ha ha!
Chelsea Johnson says
Hahaha they sort of do look like old men, right? But in the cutest way!! And thank you so much!! That seriously means so much, Carisa!!
Kirsten says
Ha! All of these are too true! I would add that no one ever told me I would bleed for months. I seriously thought I was going to bleed to death! Good list!
Chelsea Johnson says
Yes!! It’s like the neverending period!!
Lisa Favre says
I really love that I stumbled upon your blog recently… my husband and I are planning on growing our family now and your posts are a great, new perspective.
http://marblecrumbs.com
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks, Lisa!! And congratulations!! I hope things go as planned for you!
Jennifer says
The constipation is so real! I really had no idea what constipation was until a few days after his birth. And “weird” wasn’t my very first thought, but it was definitely way up there! Also, I couldn’t stop thinking how weird breastfeeding was when we first started… I mean, I was making milk! That’s crazy!
Chelsea Johnson says
Right? There is nothing else similar to breastfeeding. Even when I started the second time with Little A it was still a bit weird to get used to again!
Katie Clark says
So funny! This is all so true (though I’m one of the fortunate ones who never seemed to have an issue with peeing their pants before or after delivery. Probably jinxing myself!) I really did think I was going to break Oliver. He was sooo tiny. It didn’t even feel like I was holding anything for the first two months!
Chelsea Johnson says
I hope you never have to experience peeing your pants!! It is the worst!
Margarita Elegudova says
Me either! I had no bladder issues whatsoever. Also, I wasn’t irritable.. it was the opposite- I was on cloud 9!! I was on such a high from I guess hormones, that I couldn’t even sleep until the next day.
Chelsea Johnson says
Isn’t it crazy how different we can all be!?
Tiffany @ A Touch of Grace says
HAHA yes to pooping! I was so afraid after baby! I was so worried I was going to tear my stitches for sure (even though I only had 2). All of these are so true Chelsea and good for me to remember, haha. 🙂
Chelsea Johnson says
Yeah don’t feel alone if you experience any of these after your new baby is born!!
Jeniece@OntheGoMommy says
Great, honest and true post! I remember feeling like I should’ve been more in love and excited when I had my first baby. But I was more excited my next go around maybe because I knew more what motherhood was like?? I don’t know, weird. Coming from a twin mom giving birth both ways, my biggest issue was the constipation!!! Oh my. I had to take iron that I think clogged up worse. So with bleeding down there and stitches in my tummy, laxatives/stool softener was my BFF. I also highly recommend MAGNESIUM CITRATE. It really makes you go and tastes like Sprite
Chelsea Johnson says
I’ll have to try the magnesium citrate next time! Anything that tastes like Sprite I’m supportive of!! Thanks, Jeniece!
Ros Emely@stressfreemommies says
Haha..too funny! Love the “next time you feel the urge to slap your hubby” lol. I can so relate to this, I still have a floppy stomach, I was annoyed by my hubby during my pregnancy and after. I also had my babies right outside the shower because I wanted to know they were safe. Even with my twins, I would drag both high chairs right outside the bathroom, a little crazy I know!
Chelsea Johnson says
Me too! It’s rough haha. At least you know it’s not just you, right!?
Betty says
Awesome points. What was wierd for me is that I was breastfeeding and forgot that chocolate actions like a laxative. Needless to say I ate a Hershey bar which was so good. As I nursed my baby she pooped all over me. It ran all out of her diaper. That was a learning experience for me.
Chelsea Johnson says
Does it? I’ve never heard that before. I didn’t have any problems eating chocolate while breastfeeding my babies.
Nikki says
I love this! So relatable. It’s nice to know you’re not alone in some of the ways you feel. Thank you for sharing this
Chelsea Johnson says
You are DEFINITELY not alone! Having a newborn is fun, but it’s also crazy!
Katelyn Fagan says
Chelsea this is so great! I totally remember thinking my belly felt SO WEIRD after having my first! And I felt completely hollowed out, like a pumpkin and I no longer had ab muscle and could NOT stand up straight afterward! And the baby poop sound! Why is it SO LOUD? And they are fragile and kinda ugly when they first come out. Ha. We said our one daughter looked like a grandpa.
Chelsea Johnson says
Haha isn’t it so weird? And they are all things you would never expect unless someone told you before. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one experiencing these things!!
Hannah says
We learned about the diapering problem while our son was in the NICU. I put a diaper on him as usual and the nurse said, “Wait! Make sure his peepee is pointing down or he’ll pee out the top of his diaper!”
We hadn’t even given that a thought! But If there was ever a time since then that it was accidentally pointing “up” in his diaper toward his belly button, sure enough he has peed all over himself (along with his clothes and carseat/swing/etc.)
Just thought I’d share tip that so other boy moms out there might spare themselves a wet t-shirt! Lol
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks, Hannah!!