There’s one secret nobody will tell you about motherhood, and this mama is finally going to share it with you.
When people give you parenting advice, there’s one big secret nobody tells you about motherhood. One thing that other moms won’t ever tell you. Your own mom hasn’t even told you, because she doesn’t want you to know the truth about her parenting skills. I’ve been a mom for 2 1/2 years, and I only just realized this big secret a few nights ago.
Nobody knows what they are doing.
You can read all the parenting books you want, talk to all your friends and family, and think you are completely ready to raise a child. But as soon as you take that baby home from the hospital and realize it’s just you, your spouse, and your baby, things get real. You are 100% responsible for not only keeping a tiny person alive, but teaching them how to be a person. A PERSON. And it’s terrifying.
Maybe you come to this realization the first time your baby cries and cries and cries and you can’t figure out how to stop it. You try feeding her, checking her diaper, and feeling her forehead, and when nothing seems to be wrong, you Google “reasons my baby is crying” to try and figure it out. Because honestly, you have no idea what to do.
Or maybe during the first time your child starts choking on some food and you panic, trying to remember the CPR you learned in your babysitting certification class 15 years ago, just in case things go downhill. But the whole time you’re praying that it won’t get that far because if it did, you doubt you could even do CPR right 15 years ago.
You might realize you have no idea what you’re doing the first time your baby gets a barking cough in the middle of the night and is wheezing so bad she can’t sleep. You vaguely remember your mom holding you close while standing outside in the winter air, trying to get your tiny lungs to clear. So you grab a blanket and brave the cold, hoping that it’s going to work, but having no idea if it will.
Even moms who have more than one child will run into situations that they have no idea how to handle. Every child is different, and with their unique personalities come new challenges. And you will have no idea how to deal with them.
You would think that the longer you are a mom, or the more kids you have, the closer you would be to figuring out how to be a mom. But as your children start school, learn to drive, and get their first girlfriend or boyfriend, you quickly realize that you have no idea how to handle these situations, and the length of time you’ve been a mom makes no difference. You’ll still run into new challenges after your kids are married and have children of their own, because it’s all new territory.
Nobody knows what they are doing.
But that’s okay, because we can learn from each other, help support each other, and give advice, even if it doesn’t help at all (because it probably won’t).
The good news is that even though you have no idea what you are doing, you can know without a doubt that you are a mother, and that is enough. Trust your intuition, ask for help when you need it, and love your children with all your heart. We make mistakes every day, but we keep trying and we never give up. Because we love our kids, even when they give us heart attacks by breaking open thermometers and falling out of shopping carts at the store.
Bad things are going to happen, but you’ll face it and succeed, because you’re a mom.
Kersten says
This is so true! I wish I had known more moms felt clueless when my first was a little baby. It seemed like everybody else knew what they were doing and I was hard on myself for not always knowing! Thankfully, some mom friends were nice enough to open up about how clueless they felt too so I didn’t feel so bad 😉 And you’re right- we are going to succeed at this!
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks, Kersten! I’m glad I’m not the only one 🙂
Jessica Dimas says
I love this so much, funny because a friend and I were just talking about it today. No matter what anyone says or how they portray themselves on social media, they’re just as clueless/worried/confused as you are lol. I love these super honest posts you’ve been writing!!
Chelsea Johnson says
Thank you, Jessica! I’ve been trying to share more than just tips and it’s been fun! And agreed! Even me, as I sit here and write a blog about pregnancy and babies, I have no idea what I’m doing sometimes!!
Jennifer says
Funny… It fully occurred to me this week that 1) I will have to get my baby out of me in about a month 2) At that point, I’m totally responsible for taking care of him 3) I’m responsible for teaching him and raising him to be a good person. WHAT?! I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion that no one knows what they’re doing, but seeing a great mom actually say it is comforting.
Chelsea Johnson says
Right? The idea of raising a person and teaching him how to be a person is scary! But it will come naturally and you can definitely rely on other moms to help when you have no idea what to do! We all do it!!! Thanks, Jenni!
Helene says
I just discovered your blog, and must say; what a beautiful family you have. Thank you for sharing, I really enjoy reading. Love from a norwegian blogger <3
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks, Helene! I appreciate it!! I’m glad you found me!
Tiffany @ A Touch of Grace says
Oh girl AMEN! I don’t care how much people portray their loves to be perfect and their kids to be perfect, they still don’t know what the heck they are doing and you cannot sit there and tell me that their kid is perfect all the time. Because it ain’t true. Our daughter was terrible 3 year old to the point we thought maybe she needed counseling. Seriously. We thought we were terrible parents! But the minute she hit 4, it’s like a light bulb went off in her and she’s been a gem. We as parents just do the best we can.
Chelsea Johnson says
We do! And remembering that nobody has a perfect child helps on those rough days! I’m glad your daughter has gotten better now that she is older!!
Katie says
This is SO true. No one knows what they are doing – and no matter how many parenting articles you read, chances are, they won’t totally apply to you since the person writing them isn’t parenting your child. I still don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, but I just roll with the punches. I’ve found that listening to your mommy-intuition takes you pretty far (and that even “experts”, like pediatricians, don’t always have all the answers. With both my children I went against the advice of their doctors because it didn’t seem right, and in both instances, I was right!) I always feel like if you are doing the best you can and your children know they are loved, then you are doing a pretty good job! The best parents in the world started out not knowing what they were doing either. Thanks for sharing this!
Chelsea Johnson says
Exactly! I love what you said about doing the best you can and loving your children. That’s all we can really do!