A great post about why it’s okay to stop breastfeeding, why you shouldn’t feel guilty, and why it’s your decision whether to breastfeed your baby or not.
Before my son was born, I made the decision that I was going to breastfeed. I knew it was what was best for him, and I wanted to give him the best start I could. I originally planned on breastfeeding him until he was at least one-year-old, but in the end, I only breastfed him until he was eight-months-old. I just wasn’t making enough milk, and when we started supplementing with formula, he just sort of weaned himself off.
With my daughter, I wanted to try and breastfeed her to a year, too. But between her checkups at four and six months, we found out she just wasn’t gaining enough weight. We decided to supplement with formula so she would grow, and then after she figured out the bottle, she refused to breastfeed anymore.
I’m sure you’ve noticed that right now there is a huge push to normalize breastfeeding and to make sure every woman knows that breastfeeding is the best way to feed your baby. I feel like some women get pressured into breastfeeding, and then when it’s not all sunshine and butterflies, they feel super guilty and like they are doing something wrong. Yes, we should support women who breastfeed, but shouldn’t we be supporting women who don’t, too?
Some women, for a variety of reasons, just can’t breastfeed. Some women don’t make enough milk, some women suffer through a lot of physical pain trying to breastfeed their baby, some babies end up being intolerant of their mother’s milk because of food allergies, and some women work and pumping is just too much for them (which I’m with you, pumping is the worst). THAT IS OKAY.
It’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
I have had multiple friends tell me that they felt extremely pressured to continue breastfeeding even though it was incredibly difficult and painful for them. It can be frustrating and emotional when your baby doesn’t want to breastfeed. And if your baby isn’t getting enough to eat from you, it might be too much of a stress to try and do every possible thing to try to increase your milk supply. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work. And you shouldn’t feel bad about that.
If your baby screams and screams every time you try to breastfeed him, don’t feel like you are a bad mother for stopping and switching to formula. It’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
If you have been breastfeeding for a few weeks and it still hurts after trying different positions and using multiple tubes of lanolin, it’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
You are definitely not a wimp for quitting breastfeeding. On the contrary, I think it takes someone very strong to realize what is best for them and their baby.
I know that some people are completely against formula, and I know that I probably will get people telling me I’m wrong for writing this. But someone has to say it. Yes, I am going to try and breastfeed my children as long as possible, but if something is wrong or if it’s not going the way it needs to, it’s okay to switch to formula. What’s not okay is looking down on people who give their babies formula. We have no right to judge other women for their mothering decisions.
Formula has been used for a long time and a lot of people have been solely formula-fed. In the 40s and 50s babies were primarily formula-fed, and they accomplished a lot and grew up to do a lot of pretty awesome things. Formula feeding your baby is not going to limit their potential, I promise.
I used to feel like I had to explain to people why I stopped breastfeeding my babies before they were one-year-old. I don’t anymore. Because it’s okay to stop breastfeeding. Formula exists for a reason, and it’s made so babies can still get the nutrients they need. Yes, there are benefits to both, and people might still give you the evil eye for pulling a bottle of formula out of your bag.
But guess what? They don’t know you, and it’s your decision.
Ros Emely @ stressfreemommies says
Thank you so much for this post, i am sure it will help alot of moms feel better and not guilty about choosing not to breastfeed. I myself couldn’t breastfeed with all three of my children and i felt horrible. But at the end of the day a mother has to do what it’s best for their children.
Chelsea Johnson says
You really do! And only you can decide what is best. We shouldn’t be judging other moms when we don’t know the full story!
Katie says
I think it is so important to do what’s best for you and your baby. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else what you do, as long as your baby is being taken care of and loved. I was one of the lucky ones who never had issues breastfeeding, but I know that’s not always the case, and formula is fine! I think this is one of the dumbest “mommy wars” out there. I think it’s great that you wrote those for those moms who might be struggling or feeling guilty. You shouldn’t feel bad or think you have to justify how you feed your child (unless you are using pop instead of formula or breast milk. Then there might be reason for criticism 😉
Chelsea Johnson says
It is dumb!! Pop might not be the best choice (haha!) but I’m sure no mom is doing that! Kids are going to grow up fine whether they are breastfed or formula-fed. And you can decide which is going to be best for you and your baby!
Katelyn Fagan says
It really is okay. And we really do need to stop judging. You are feeding your baby, not torturing it, hurting it, or abusing it. You are providing, caring, and sustaing your child’s life int eh way that you best can, and that may mean without breastmilk.
I am pro breastfeeding my babies, but I also supplemented my twins with formula.
Chelsea Johnson says
And both work! As long as you love your baby and are feeding it, it really doesn’t matter in the long run!
Jennifer says
Thank goodness someone finally said that it’s important to do what’s right for you and your baby, even if that means you won’t be breastfeeding until they’re one! Way to take the peer pressure off!
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks! No pressure to you! You’ll know what is right when your little guy is born, and you shouldn’t worry what other moms (or the nurses at the hospital) will say!
Lauren says
I love this article. Your experience sounds almost identical to mine- plans to go a year and that, for various but important reasons, not making it past 6 months either time. As much as I want to be part of the movement to normalize breastfeeding, I also want to help women find the courage to stop if it’s not working for them. I just wrote a book that i really think you’d appreciate! The Places You’ll Feed! (www.theplacesyoullfeed.com). I think you’d particularly appreciate this page:
“And when you decide
you don’t want to keep going,
your honkers have had it,
they’re done with their flowing.
Let go of the guilt
with this life-changing thought:
Thank the Lord that good milk can be easily bought!
And your baby will thrive
Drinking milk from the store
and sleep like a champ
(or more than before)
Please let me know if you’re interested in partnering or doing a contest to give away a few signed copies.
Best,
Lauren
lauren@dynamama.com
Chelsea Johnson says
That’s so funny! I love that! Your book sounds awesome. And yes, we definitely need to help women know it’s okay to stop if it isn’t working for them!
Jeniece says
It’s interesting the pressure and pride that comes with breastfeeding. When I was pregnant my hubby and I thought exclusively pumping would be best. My dr changed my mind. We’ve made it 4 months tandem feeding. But with them eating 2 meals in high chairs it throws off my pumping schedule and I don’t refill fast enough after pumping to get them full from nursing. It’s not just pressure about formula! It’s the whole breastfeeding process. I am blessed to make ALOT of milk, but twin 2 has reflux and is VERY picky. So I’m thinking of stopping breastfeeding, but feel the pressure still. People are always amazed at breastfeeding twins and to stop might not be as “good”. But I think it’ll be better for our schedule with school and sports starting soon (3 kids plus twins 🙂 )
Chelsea Johnson says
You are the only one who knows what is best for you and for your babies! Don’t let the fear of what other people might think stop you from making your own decision 🙂
Julie says
Love this! Yes, breastfeeding is great, but it isn’t the only way and no one should feel bressured to do it. We supplement because I just don’t make enough and that is OK. I’m thinking about weaning altogether soon and that is OK too.
Chelsea Johnson says
It IS okay! Nobody can tell you to feed your baby a certain way. What matters is that you do what’s best for you.
Nicola says
Great article, thanks for writing it! For me, I stopped at one month when my baby wasn’t gaining weight and I was becoming an emotional wreck because of it! I just wanted to enjoy my baby, not resent him his feeds, and yet that was where I was headed. Thanks for highlighting that it’s ok, you did great getting to 8 months and 4 months with your littles 🙂
Chelsea Johnson says
Exactly! And thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it. And I agree, you should be able to enjoy your baby and not hate feeding him!
Katie says
I’m going through this right now and my babe is only 4 months. Thank you so much. I needed this.
Chelsea Johnson says
You’re welcome! You aren’t alone, and you don’t need to feel bad about it AT ALL!
Ivy says
This made me cry. I’ve been so stressed the past few weeks. My four month old daughter has been refusing to breastfeed and is in the bottom 5th percentile for weight. I never wanted to feed her formula but it’s become our only option as my milk supply continues to decrease even with pumping and I’ve been hating myself feeling like I couldn’t give her the best or wasn’t a good enough mom. This made me feel better
Chelsea Johnson says
You are NOT a bad mom! You shouldn’t feel that way at all! Doing what is best for your baby doesn’t always include breastfeeding. I hope she takes well to the formula and gets back to a good weight! You’ve got this, girl!!
Cheley says
This post was wonderful and encouraging to read. My son is now 2 months old and I was very set on breastfeeding but knew I may not be able to because i have severe back issues. I really did try but it was so much easier and less stressful not to breastfeed. I cried and felt so guilty for not being able to and people tried to talk me into just keep trying and i felt judged. I now am so glad i am not breastfeeding because i would be miserable from being in pain. It really is ok not to breastfeeebut people act like its not. I have realized i need to do what works for me and my baby’s perfectly healthy! 🙂
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m glad you decided to do what was best for you! People have no right to judge your decision to breastfeed or not. They don’t know you!
Micah says
I stumbled across this post from your post “17 things to do before your second baby is born” –and I’m so so grateful I did! Like you have had, I will have two littles under two in just a few weeks! Mine will be 17 months apart. 🙂 Last time I tried breastfeeding, it was absolutely traumatic. Everything went wrong. I had true low production issues (hereditary), I never had the in flow of oxytocin from birth after a 30hr labor, tons of meds, a posterior baby, an epidural, 2nd degree tearing, and excessive blood loss. Every time we tried to nurse those first few weeks….it was hell. He would scream and scream, I would cry the entire time, feeling like a failure, my nipples bleeding, I cried just for pain as well! After a trip to the ER for complications healing from my stitches, the baby screaming the entire time, my husband feeling helpless, and me lying there in on the cot bawling while nurses handed me tissues….we gave him a bottle of formula. Blessed, beautiful, nourishing formula. That day he slept for four hours, the longest stretch he has slept since birth. He SMILED for the first time EVER right after that bottle and drifted off to sleep, and I just laid there and held him, crying out of relief. Even after that I pumped as long as I could, I continued to try nursing, and then I finally just switched him fully to formula. IT’S OK TO STOP BREASTFEEDING, is right! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging other women. This time, we have formula stocked just in case!
Chelsea Johnson says
Wow! That is quite the story! I’m so glad you figured out what worked for you and for him and that everything got better! It really is okay! Like I said, formula exists for a reason, and it is full of nutrients to help your baby grow. Good luck with your new baby! It’s fun having them so close in age!
Carmen says
thank you for saying this, I breastfeed my two older girls but now with my son, trying to continue to breastfeed while working full time and caring for a houseful has become really tiresome. I felt super guilty for thinking about quitting. but this article reiterated what I knew deep inside!
Chelsea Johnson says
You’re so welcome, Carmen! It’s your choice and you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You should always do what is right for you, and formula feeding might be your answer!
Amanda says
Love this post! I actually never had any milk come in at all. After driving myself crazy for 3 weeks trying to get something to come in, lactation consultant FINALLY told me to stop and some women just don’t make milk. I wasn’t even aware this was possible. I do plan to try again with baby 2, but I won’t be killing myself next time. My daughter is perfectly healthy and gaining weight good with her formula.
Chelsea Johnson says
Thank you for sharing! It’s so important not to worry about what other people are doing and just to take care of yourself and your baby. I hope things work out for baby 2, but even if they don’t, formula is great!!!
Beverly in Mississippi says
Thank you for this post and encouraging remarks. My daughter just had a baby 3 weeks ago and had a terrible time
breastfeeding. She wanted to soooo badly. She had a C-section and bad advice from every nurse in the hospital. Supplement bottles hurt her chances even more. They were both stressed because the milk just wasn’t there. Since she switched over to formula, both are much more relaxed and things are going much smoother. They are getting lots of skin to skin time and cuddle time, and she carries him around in a boba wrap a lot. We have a healthy happy baby, and that is all that counts!!
Chelsea Johnson says
Agreed! That is definitely all that counts!