A great post about why it’s okay to stop breastfeeding, why you shouldn’t feel guilty, and why it’s your decision whether to breastfeed your baby or not.
Before my son was born, I made the decision that I was going to breastfeed. I knew it was what was best for him, and I wanted to give him the best start I could. I originally planned on breastfeeding him until he was at least one-year-old, but in the end, I only breastfed him until he was eight-months-old. I just wasn’t making enough milk, and when we started supplementing with formula, he just sort of weaned himself off.
With my daughter, I wanted to try and breastfeed her to a year, too. But between her checkups at four and six months, we found out she just wasn’t gaining enough weight. We decided to supplement with formula so she would grow, and then after she figured out the bottle, she refused to breastfeed anymore.
I’m sure you’ve noticed that right now there is a huge push to normalize breastfeeding and to make sure every woman knows that breastfeeding is the best way to feed your baby. I feel like some women get pressured into breastfeeding, and then when it’s not all sunshine and butterflies, they feel super guilty and like they are doing something wrong. Yes, we should support women who breastfeed, but shouldn’t we be supporting women who don’t, too?
Some women, for a variety of reasons, just can’t breastfeed. Some women don’t make enough milk, some women suffer through a lot of physical pain trying to breastfeed their baby, some babies end up being intolerant of their mother’s milk because of food allergies, and some women work and pumping is just too much for them (which I’m with you, pumping is the worst). THAT IS OKAY.
It’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
I have had multiple friends tell me that they felt extremely pressured to continue breastfeeding even though it was incredibly difficult and painful for them. It can be frustrating and emotional when your baby doesn’t want to breastfeed. And if your baby isn’t getting enough to eat from you, it might be too much of a stress to try and do every possible thing to try to increase your milk supply. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work. And you shouldn’t feel bad about that.
If your baby screams and screams every time you try to breastfeed him, don’t feel like you are a bad mother for stopping and switching to formula. It’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
If you have been breastfeeding for a few weeks and it still hurts after trying different positions and using multiple tubes of lanolin, it’s okay to stop breastfeeding.
You are definitely not a wimp for quitting breastfeeding. On the contrary, I think it takes someone very strong to realize what is best for them and their baby.
I know that some people are completely against formula, and I know that I probably will get people telling me I’m wrong for writing this. But someone has to say it. Yes, I am going to try and breastfeed my children as long as possible, but if something is wrong or if it’s not going the way it needs to, it’s okay to switch to formula. What’s not okay is looking down on people who give their babies formula. We have no right to judge other women for their mothering decisions.
Formula has been used for a long time and a lot of people have been solely formula-fed. In the 40s and 50s babies were primarily formula-fed, and they accomplished a lot and grew up to do a lot of pretty awesome things. Formula feeding your baby is not going to limit their potential, I promise.
I used to feel like I had to explain to people why I stopped breastfeeding my babies before they were one-year-old. I don’t anymore. Because it’s okay to stop breastfeeding. Formula exists for a reason, and it’s made so babies can still get the nutrients they need. Yes, there are benefits to both, and people might still give you the evil eye for pulling a bottle of formula out of your bag.
But guess what? They don’t know you, and it’s your decision.
Andrea says
I just came across your site and this article, and just wanted to say thank you. I am trying so hard to make breastfeeding work right now with my second daughter. With my first, I stopped breastfeeding after two weeks due to a tongue tie, bad latch we couldn’t seem to fix, and low supply problems. I felt guilt for months afterwards. This time I was determined to make it work-read book after book, articles on the internet, watched tons of videos; had her tongue tie diagnosed and corrected within a week, got another Lactation consultant, and yet I feel like history is repeating itself. It’s just not working, again. At her last doctor visit we found out she was still losing weight, and were ordered to start supplementing. I’m driving my husband crazy-he says our fist daughter is perfect (and she is!) so why not just do formula again? I’m not positive if I’m ready to give up, but it’s probably going to come to that. So thank you for this supportive article. So many articles that claim to be supportive of women regardless of whether they breast or formula feed start out “breast is best, but…”. That would always get stuck in my head the first time around and made me feel so much guilt, so I appreciate that you didn’t approach it that way. It was really helpful to me to read this right now.
Chelsea Johnson says
You’re so welcome, Andrea! Whatever you decide is going to be what is best for your baby. I hope that you figure it out soon and feel good about your decision!!!
Sara says
I LOVE this article! I made myself miserable, mentally and physically, trying to breastfeed my first kid. What I wouldn’t give to go back and do what was best for both of us and just enjoy our time together. They’re only little for a short while.
With my second child I thought it would go better because I knew more. Unfortunately, we had new obstacles. So far I’ve been able to exclusively pump. If and when I need to supplement with formula, then I will and I won’t feel bad about it. I refuse to drive myself crazy over breastfeeding and pumping. If I’m sane, then I will be a better parent and that’s what’s most important. Thank you for putting yourself out there for moms like me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Chelsea Johnson says
You are definitely not alone! It’s so much more common than people think. Thank you for sharing your experience, too! Hopefully one day there won’t be a stigma to formula feeding and moms will feel totally comfortable either way!
Sara says
Thank you so much for this! I struggled early on and we had to give formula by his 3rd day of life. I kept trying and trying, met with consultants, pumped (still am pumping) at 8 weeks but I only get about 1 ounce a session if I am lucky. I still have guilt and get crap from people when they here that he is 99% formula. I go back to work this week and have been considering stopping pumping since I barely get any milk out but have guilt for stopping. This makes me feel better and less guilty.
Chelsea Johnson says
You definitely should not feel guilty! It sounds like you have put in 100% trying to make it work. If it’s stressing you out and causing you to have a negative experience, then it’s okay to stop! You can make your own decision!
Nicole says
Almost 2 years later since this post was published and i’m so happy to have stumbled upon it. I cant even count the amount of tears I’ve shed over the struggle with breast feeding. I’m only a few weeks in and struggle everyday with it. I’ve been bottle feeding my baby EBM and supplementing formula when I’ve run out of BM. The pressure to only feed babies BM is unreal. It’s hard to not feel like a bad mom when you read post after post that says formula is bad. I was formula fed and I turned out alright. 😉 Thank you for writing this!
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m glad to help! That’s why I wrote it!!! Formula is not bad! Thousands of babies drink only formula and turn out 100% okay! Do what you need to, mama!!
Kristin says
I nursed my first baby until she was 18 mo, and now with my second one I am having trouble continuing and she’s only 8 mo. I work full time, and my lo has me up 4 to 5 times a night. I am cranky and short tempered with my oldest and so I feel terribly guilty nursing, but also terribly guilty if I stop, because baby is very attached. I want pieces of my life back but that feels very selfish. Still unsure of what to do, but this post gives me some comfort in knowing others are struggling with this as well!
Chelsea Johnson says
Yes!!! If it’s not working out for you, you shouldn’t feel pressure to keep going! You don’t want to resent having to nurse your baby, and formula works wonderfully, too! Hope you figure it out soon!
Karen says
Loved the post and the comments! This is a timeless article, clearly. I was also ldetermined to EBF until my baby just wasn’t gaining enough. By the 3rd week, she was in the 2nd percentile for weight and I just couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. The lactation consultant agreed I wasn’t making enough and should supplement while I tried to get my body to make more milk. Havingy sweet tiny baby root for more than I could give her was heartbreaking. It made me feel terrible watching her suck down the formula like she hadn’t eaten in days. But even during the worst guilt, I was still so grateful to be in a place and time to be able to give my baby the additional nutrition she needs. Plenty of sick and undernourished babies out there whose mamas wish they had options. Being smart about supply/demand if you want to breastfeed is important but ultimately, a well fed and growing baby is the most important.
Chelsea Johnson says
Yes, yes, yes. Fed is best, no matter how they get it! Thanks for sharing!
brittany white says
thank you. when I had my daughter, my milk didn’t really come in for two days maybe drop or two. my mother, who decided to stay with me at the hospital, wouldn’t let the nurses giver her formula or donated milk. finally on the third day a nurse pushed for a bottle of donated milk and my kid finally was able to eat. my milk did come in at day 5 or so, but it was never enough no matter how much water i drank or what pills they gave me. i never got more than an ounce even if i pumped for an hour. she never did latch. I remember my mother trying to convince me to tape the nipple guard to my breast and telling me if it doesn’t work then i am doing something wrong. I dried up after 4 months. there was nothing there. I felt horrible and got really depressed to the point of contemplating self harm because I felt so worthless. luckily my husband say the warning signs and got me the help I needed. this time around with baby number two, I’m stronger, I know myself and I know that I’m not going to let anyone talk down to me. if this child doesn’t latch, or if something else means breastfeeding doesn’t work, then I’m pumping and this baby is getting the bottle. my daughter is right on track with where she needs to be on the developmental spectrum, having a bottle and formula didn’t hurt her one bit and it made things go so much easier when I was able to accept that this is what works for us. ive got all the things I need this time, a pump, a hands free pumping bra, bottles, and if I need it, I know everything is right where I need it and I’m not afraid to do it my way.
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m so glad you realized that the second time around! It’s 100% okay to use formula! Whatever is best for you and your baby!
Kara says
I know this is an older post, but thank you so much for writing it! My daughter is 7 weeks old and we have been struggling from day one to breastfeed. Our issues haven’t been that my daughter won’t latch, she will but really only with a nipple shield since I have smaller nipple. We had to start supplementing on day 2 because she was losing so much weight and we had her early at 37 weeks so, she couldn’t lose any more weight! Since then, I’ve struggled with my supply. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. Pumping after every session, even at night, fenugreek, Mother’s Milk Tea, lactation cookies, multiple pumping flanges to try to find the right fit, to finally meeting with a lactation consultant. She gave me some other ideas to try, but nothing has worked. I’m only getting about a half ounce during a pumping session. Sometimes up to 1 oz but that’s it and not very often. I thought my daughter was getting more when breastfeeding, but learned that it could just be comforting to her like a pacifier. I have struggled with the decision to stop breastfeeding because of all the pressure to continue and knowing that it is best for her, but really, her development is best for her. Feeding her is best for her. Having a happy Momma is best for her. And though I’m sad that it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to with breastfeeding and I will miss the time that I spend with her breastfeeding, I will have so much more time with her bonding in different ways when I’m able to stop all of these extra things that I’m doing trying to increase my supply that isn’t helping. So, thank you so much for this. It’s really helped me to get closer to making my decision. 🙂
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of that! That sucks! Having a happy mama is absolutely the best thing for her! I hope that whatever you decide to do, you both feel better!!
Maggie says
Like all the other Mums above: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for writing this. And I just do not understand why there aren’t many article or post like yours. Thank you also to all the Mums who posted replies it helped me too.
I’ve enjoyed breathfeeding so much for my eldest daughter, that it made me cry to have to start complementary feed with formula as i was going back to work when she was 3 months…i did pump at work but she had to have also 1 bottle of formula / day as i didn’t have enough milk to pump that much. Then little by little my milk suply stopped…then i had to go totally on formula…she was 6 months, and i actually felt ok when it happened: slowly, like we both knew it’ll happen.
With my 2nd it’s been different: firstly because with baby number 2 we have less time and more work! less time to rest as there is the older one who is waking up when baby 2 finally fall asleep and so on…i told myself i will try to do 6 months: but i’m tired all the time, i look like a log! sometimes i’ve barely have time to put mascara on in the morning. i also still got some weight on and i think i look horrible….and then the guilt arrives: i feel selfish for thinking of me, guilty of letting go of my baby like if i was abandonning her ( which of course isn’t the case at all)…
i wonder why we do that: setting ourseves silly goals like “i will breathfeed until she’s 6 months (or a year or whatever)” or just: “i will breathfeed of course i will it is the best” and then what? what if it doesn’t work that way??, if mother nature say not enough milk, or look you are too tired “red flag! red flag! ” alarm!! wake up ….
i still feel very guilty to stop for my 2nd. but we are also getting married in 2 months …and i feel guilty as i know i shouldn’t stop because i ‘m getting married: how could i be so selfish? how could i do that to her?…
there is something tearing us to realise breathfeeding will stop one day…and we do not get enough support out there to tell us: “hey look it’s ok don’t feel bad”…i don’t meet many people understanding it, men don’t really…our own mother? not sure she’s always the best advice…just us and our heart that we have to listen and trust that everythibg will be ok for oyr baby and for us too
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m so glad I could help! And thanks for your comment, too! It will help other moms, like you mentioned with the others!
Raquel de Meneses says
Thank you so much for this. I’m about to quit and after 3 weeks of pain, cracked nipples, seeing 5 breastfeeding specialists, BF groups, midwives and health visitor. I’ve tried everything they suggested but I have hypersensitive nipples that hurts 24/7. Even pumping hurts. I feel like such a failure, guilty AF. So it’s lovely to read IT’S OKAY over and over again. I’ll read your text once more so it sinks in a bit more.
THANK YOU.
Chelsea Johnson says
You’re so welcome! You tried, and that is great! But it’s also 100% okay that it’s not working. What’s most important is that you and baby are happy and healthy, and formula can help you get on that track! Good luck!
Brittany says
I am so happy that I came across your post. After three months of exclusively pumping due to painful thrush that will just not go away, my husband and I have decided that ending our breastfeeding journey is what is best for our Daughter to have a happy and healthy Mom to take care of her. I have dealt with the anxieties and guilt that have been laid upon my mind from doctors, nurses and lactation consultants urging me to keep breastfeeding and push past the pain. When I told them that I was exclusively pumping, they again said to try getting my baby back to my breast. Breastfeeding is not what I assumed and imagined it to be. And through all of my tears and emotional turmoil in my head, my journey is now ending. Normalizing breastfeeding is great and I am all about it, but really, feeding our precious babies is better. No one should have to feel the undaunting pressures from others about what is best for our children, because whatever We as the Parents decide to do is best and no one should have to feel badly about it.
Chelsea Johnson says
Yes, yes, YES! Brittany, it’s all about what is best for you and your baby, and sometimes the answer is not breastfeeding! I’m so glad you are strong enough to admit that and do something about it! I hope that switching to formula feeding your daughter will help you enjoy feeding her more! You’re doing a great job!
Brittany says
Thank you Chelsea! It is now another emotional rollercoaster to actually be implementing my decision. But it is what is going to work best for us!
Chelsea Johnson says
I wish you the best of luck!
Emily says
I can’t thank you enough for this article. My daughter is only one month old and I’m going to try to push through it as long as I can, but breastfeeding has been unbelievably painful for me and frustrating for her. I have been to breastfeeding support groups and hired lactation specialists to help me, which helps in the moment but things tend to go downhill a day or so after I see them. I have horrible anxiety before each feeding because of the toe-curling pain associated with it, yet I have been feeling such guilt considering quitting early. You have given me much needed peace of mind that it is okay if I have to stop early. My daughter will be fine and honestly everyone else can keep their comments and opinions to themselves. Thank you!
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m so glad I could help! And I’m so sorry you’ve been going through that! It’s such a difficult, personal decision, and I hope if you decide to stop breastfeeding you feel absolutely no guilt about it! You’re just doing what’s best for you and your baby!
Rea says
This past weekend, I had to stop cold turkey nursing my 8 month old. A little over a month ago we discovered she is allergic to dairy, peanuts, sesame seeds and cashews. Immediately I eliminated those from my diet, but she would still react. I did the best I could maneuvering my new diet while working full time and also caring for her 3yo sister. It still wasn’t enough and my baby was miserable. I cried all weekend knowing my milk was making her react and the fact I wasn’t ready to stop. Our journey was so easy compared to her sister. I’m thankful I got to nurse her for as long as I did. I made it farther than I did with her sister. She’s taking formula just fine and even has slept longer stretches. Although I’m not completely over it yet, reading your article has brought me more at peace. Thank you.
Chelsea Johnson says
Oh my goodness, that is so hard! I’m glad that reading this was able to help you! You’re doing what’s best for you and your baby!
Kristen Strickland says
I needed this article today. I’ve finally come to the decision to stop breastfeeding my 2 month old. I’ve felt so much guilt over it that I’ve ridden the roller coaster of emotions. Baby girl prefers a bottle of formula and I’m not a bad mom for stopping the battle.
Chelsea Johnson says
On the contrary, you’re a great mom for making the hard decision that’s best for both of you!