Mama Alyssa Corning shares the emergency C-section birth story of her rainbow baby boy on the Honest Birth birth story series! After losing her first baby from HELLP syndrome at 20 weeks, Alyssa made it to 35 weeks with her second pregnancy. She planned for a natural birth, but when HELLP syndrome started coming back, she had an emergency C-section. Read all about her son’s NICU stay and how she found peace after her birth didn’t go as planned.
Hey mamas! Welcome to the twenty-fifth post in my Honest Birth series! I’m excited to share another real mama’s birth story, because I think it’s so important to share our childbirth experiences with each other. My goal with this series is to provide a place for women to share their birth stories without holding anything back, as well as compile stories for pregnant mamas to read in preparation for their own childbirth experiences. Every mama is different and every birth is different, and I believe that when we share our stories we help each other.
Today I am featuring my friend Alyssa! I’m actually not even 100% sure how we became friends, but we follow each other on Instagram and actually both lived in San Antonio at the same time, and although we never got to meet in person, we have mutual friends! Alyssa and her husband now live in Portland, Oregon where they like to adventure around their city on the street car, go hiking in the gorge, explore the Oregon coast, and eat at all the yummy local restaurants. Alyssa and her husband lost their first baby, RJ, due to HELLP syndrome (you can read that birth story here), and today she’s sharing the birth story of her rainbow baby, Redd. Alyssa started her Instagram account as a way to honor RJ and share her grief, healing, and journey to motherhood. It led her to healthy lifestyle coaching and helping mamas feel their best and create healthy habits one {crazy + busy + love-filled} day at a time! She’s currently working on getting her Yay in Your Day project ready to launch to support mamas in creating simple + sustainable healthy habits that help them show up as their best selves!
Ready to read her story? Here we go!
The Birth Story of Redd Corning
Ahhhhh, I’m so excited and honored to share my sweet Redd guy’s birth story here. Fun fact: I’ve always loved reading birth stories and hearing all the amazing details of babes being brought into the world.
I haven’t ever shared my son’s birth story—partly because as special as it was, it was also very traumatic and wasn’t anything like the magical birth stories I’ve read. I’m grateful to Chelsea for her Honest Birth series and the opportunity to be a part of it. If you’ve ever felt like your birth experience wasn’t as amazing and perfect as others…I feel you. You aren’t alone. It’s ok to grieve the hard parts of what you thought would be only a happy memory.
After delivering our first son stillborn at 20 weeks due to having HELLP Syndrome, I didn’t know what birth or mothering would look like in my life but I KNEW I was meant to be a daily mama and raise a baby. On the hardest, most painful days I didn’t give up hope of having a healthy rainbow baby in my arms.
So even though Redd’s birth story isn’t anything like the magical, unmedicated birth story I had dreamed of—with delayed cord clamping and immediate skin to skin—it is full of love, tender moments and all the gratitude that we are both still here, healthy and together.
Friday, May 22, 2015
That morning I woke up feeling off—maybe this was just normal end of pregnancy pains since I hadn’t ever been this pregnant. I wasn’t sure but my gut told me something was up so I decided to go in for my weekly lab work since I hadn’t had it done yet that week.
I took the day easy. Resting and reminding myself that we were 35 weeks and Redd would be ok if he had to be born now. Of course it was a Friday and the bloodwork came back late in the afternoon, so I was chatting with the nurse at my high risk doctors office at almost 5 pm. Even though all my labs came back “normal” for the first time in my pregnancy they were ALL trending the wrong direction. It looked like HELLP Syndrome was starting to come back.
The nurse wanted me to head into labor and delivery so they could check my blood pressure, monitor the baby and take all the precautions, like we had done the whole pregnancy.
We got all checked into triage and honestly, it wasn’t a great experience. I was having to really advocate for what I needed and what needed to be done for the safety of my baby. The pain was escalating. And it felt overwhelming and scary to think I was getting ready for another battle with HELLP Syndrome. I prayed harder than I ever have that my body would hang tough until we could get Redd here safely. That even though I was quickly saying goodbye to the hopes of an unmedicated hypnobirth and accepting the fact that we were going to be having an emergency c-section—getting a healthy baby in our arms would be the outcome.
I’m SO grateful for modern medicine and the miracles it has helped create in my life but it was a tough and very emotional few hours.
{I’m not going to share my whole HELLP Syndrome experience here and instead focus on Redd and his birth but if you haven’t heard about it check out more info here on the Preclampsia website.}
As things started ramping up for the c-section {that of course was going to happen right at what should have been shift change} I had amazing nurses who were so patient, gentle and took the time to really explain the process and help me work through my fears.
A nurse, who I will never forget, was helping wheel me to the OR and let me know that she would be transitioning from one of my nurses to be one of Redd’s. She was also a RT and Redd would be safe in her hands. She had resuscitated babies who were significantly younger than Redd, she was very good at her job, and she was ready to bring her A game and promised me that she would get him/keep him breathing!
The OR was all hands on deck– full of extra doctors, nurses, a NICU team. It was intense.
The resident who had been so difficult in triage really stepped up. Initially, I wasn’t very happy she was going to be part of my c-section team. Due to my low platelets I wasn’t a good candidate for an epidural so I would be getting a spinal tap (which was still really risky but the better choice at this point). During the spinal tap this resident held my hands and talked me through what to expect with the c-section, helping me understand each step and why there were so many providers in the room.
She is one of the people who I won’t forget…partly because of the drama with her in triage but mostly because she was so quick to apologize and be so tender in such a fast-paced and intense situation. She helped me know I was in good hands even though things were getting scary. She took the time to remind me that my little boy and I were fighters, that we were stronger than HELLP Syndrome and were both going to make it.
Luckily the c-section went well. I kept waiting for the machine to start beeping like crazy or for them to yell for someone to hang blood because I was hemorrhaging…but before we knew it he was here.
I’ll never forget Redd’s first little cry. I HAD AN ALIVE BABY WHO WAS CRYING!!
Right after that sweet little cry—that healed my broken mama heart in a way I didn’t know it even needed—is when things went from relatively calm to intense and scary in a matter of seconds.
After that one little cry Redd stopped breathing and things moved into full swing to resuscitate him. Even though it was terrifying to see them wheeling my grey baby out of the OR and hear the code over the hospital sound system—knowing he was alive and COULD fight helped me be brave enough to remain calm as the doctors finished up my c-section.
My hubs went with Redd and I laid there praying and sending all my mama love to my sweet, tiny baby to keep fighting, to know that I would snuggle him soon, that I was so sorry his entry into the world had to be so scary and that I would make it up to him
Ironically, this is when I put into practice all I had learned during our hypnobirthing classes. I focused on staying calm. It was some of the longest 15 minutes of my life waiting for an update but I know the skills I had learned from my hypnobirthing class played a huge part in me not melting down. So even though I didn’t get my unmedicated hypnobirth—all the long hours of practicing didn’t go to waste 😉
On my way to recovery they wheeled me in to see Redd. Honestly, I was a little afraid to see him. Was he going to look ok? Would my heart break not being able to hold him? Was I ready for the intensity of the CPAP, the IV and everything else?
But my mama heart and all my fears melted as I held his hand, heard his feisty little cry and saw him all pink, chubby, cute and full of life.
It was also extremely heart-breaking to not be able to hold him or fully sit up and get close to him. As they wheeled me away I cried all the tears…tears of gratitude but also sadness that because of HELLP Syndrome my baby was suffering and I couldn’t be there with him.
We had delivered at a smaller hospital. They can deliver starting at 35 weeks but don’t have a high level NICU. We went there thinking we’d be fine since we weren’t even sure we’d be having a baby yet, it’s the hospital system that had all my medical records and I was 35 weeks 3 days–but Redd ended up needing more breathing support and would have to transfer to a hospital with a higher level NICU.
The NICU transport team got him all ready to go—on their way out they brought him by the recovery room so I could say goodbye and we could take a first family photo.
The next 33 hours were HARD. I initially thought I would be transferring hospitals a few hours later and meeting up with my little guy that afternoon. Unfortunately, my recovery from HELLP Syndrome didn’t go as well as the first time and I wasn’t stable enough to transport to the other hospital.
Seeing photos of my hubs holding Redd and doing skin to skin, while I was stuck in a hospital bed felt SO unfair. I just wanted this baby I had worked SO hard for. I worried that he wouldn’t have a secure attachment, that he would feel abandoned, that he wouldn’t know me and that my milk wouldn’t come in.
I did my best to focus on us both getting the help we needed and how soon we WOULD be together. Not letting the grief and mom guilt win. Reminding myself that it wasn’t my fault and that Redd was a resilient little fighter who would be in my arms so soon!
I met with the lactation consultant and started pumping. I did my best to rest and eat so that I would be strong enough to go be with him.
Finally on Sunday afternoon my labs were stable enough to transfer hospitals and continue my recovery closer to Redd. I took my first (and hopefully last!) ambulance ride to get to my boy. I was full of all of the emotions when they wheeled me over to the NICU. Would he know me? Would I love him right away? Would he be strong enough to nurse? Would I be intimidated by the wires and beeping? Was I physically up to holding him?
The first few moments of holding him felt almost a little awkward like did this whirlwind really happen and was this all a bad dream?! But then he made the sweetest little coo, like mama stop worrying. I’m here, I’m healthy, I love you and I’m so grateful for all you did to get me here to earth and give me a body.
Our first snuggles didn’t happened how I imagined but they were even better and more healing than I thought they would be. All I had waited + cried + prayed for was finally happening. I held on to that sweet moment as the mom guilt continued to pop up throughout his NICU stay.
After 10 days of kangaroo care, beeping machines and nurses helping us care for our boy–he was finally released and we got to take our tiny, brave, rainbow baby home!
Wasn’t that beautiful? I loved that she was able to find peace with Redd’s birth even though it wasn’t the birth she had planned for or hoped for. If you know anyone who’s had HELLP syndrome or had an emergency c-section, make sure you share Alyssa’s birth story with them! And check out Alyssa’s blog, xo, Alyssa, and follow her on Instagram. Thanks to Alyssa for sharing Redd’s birth story and thanks to all of you mamas for coming to read it! Check back next month for another Honest Birth post!
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