Things that change when you have two kids: a funny look at how things change when your second baby is born
When our daughter was born, I quickly realized that a lot of things changed. I felt like I had a handle on parenting when it was just my son, but as soon as my daughter was born, there were a bunch of new things I had to worry about and take care of. Things changed. Some things were hard, but life in general was better.
I don’t think life can get worse when you have another baby, but things definitely changed. Now I don’t say that to scare anyone who is pregnant with their second kid, because seriously, it’s awesome having two. But here are some you might want to be aware of that change when you have two kids.
1. The weight of your diaper bag. If you thought you had a bunch of things in there before your baby was born, think again. You now have to add in bibs and burp rags, double the diapers, and either a bottle and formula or a nursing cover. Not to mention that you have to pack around extra baby clothes for those unfortunate blowouts-on-the-go. So yes, the weight of your diaper bag definitely changes. So make sure you have a good one (I love the JJ Cole Collections Camber and JJ Cole Collections Caprice diaper bags!).
2. Taking family pictures. Or even just trying to get just one good picture of your kids together. It becomes a challenge that makes landing on the moon look like child’s play. You get one kid looking and then the other one won’t look and then when they do look your other kid starts looking at their sibling and then they both start looking somewhere else again. It’s insane. And if you get them both to look and smile, you should enter the lottery because you have luck on your side. I can only imagine how much worse it’s going to get the more kids we have!
3. Your priorities. Oh, how your priorities change. How important is washing your hair, or painting your nails? Sometimes grocery shopping even slides down the list. You now have two incredible tiny human beings that make you happier than you ever thought possible, and they both want your time and attention. So sometimes it’s more important to read a book to your toddler while your baby naps in your arms than it is to do your hair. And that’s completely okay. Because you just gained a new priority, and putting your kids first is usually more important than anything else you have to do. Usually.
4. Laundry. You do a ton more laundry. Not only are you doing your regular clothes, but you are washing onesies that have suffered from blowouts, burp rags and bibs covered in spit-up and baby food, and then even more of your own clothes because your kids love to get you messy, too. Just I just hope you have a good washing machine because that thing is going to be getting some serious usage.
5. Showering. You have to sort of get creative when it comes to finding time to shower. With one kid, you can shower a little bit easier because you only have to worry about where one kid is. When they are a baby, you can just put them in the bouncer and shower fast, or shower during nap time. And toddlers will watch a movie while you shower real fast. But when you have two? I honestly only shower at night after they are for sure in bed and staying in bed because otherwise, I would never get to shower. It’s a tricky thing, finding time to shower with two kids.
6. Waking up early. I’m sure this isn’t for everyone, but I have found that waking up early, like setting an alarm before my kids wake up, is one way that I can get more done. I am able to get ready for the day and get some work done before they wake up. It’s hard sometimes to get out of bed, and my daughter usually wakes up pretty soon after I’m up, but it’s nice to at least have my contacts in and a bra on before starting to take care of my kids.
7. Going places takes longer. Like, way longer. When I get the chance to go to the store by myself, I’m almost amazed at how quickly I can get into the store, buy things, and get out of the store. Having to deal with two kids in car seats, maneuvering with my baby on my hip and my toddler holding my hand, and trying to get through the store without my toddler accidentally grabbing anything is quite the ordeal. So when you have two kids, just be prepared to add some extra time on when you tell someone you are going to meet them at noon. Planning on leaving at 11:45 is not going to get you there by noon. I promise.
8. “Free time” is rare. When it was just one kid, you were able to enjoy “free time” during naps and when they went to bed. But as soon as your new baby is born, bam, your schedule gets crazy, they probably won’t nap at the same time (at least for a few months), and your baby might not go to bed until an hour or two after your older kid. So when you do get those blessed “free time” moments, you cherish them like the last bite of your favorite meal or your favorite pair of worn-out sneakers. Chances are, that free time is probably going to turn into nap time, but either way, enjoy it!
9. Going to restaurants becomes even more of a joke. If taking one kid out to eat wasn’t hard enough, try taking two kids out. The battle of getting your child to eat their food, stay in the high chair, and not bang things on the table doubles when you have two kids. It might actually make a good TV show now that I think about it. Anyway, having two kids definitely makes you more inclined to get a babysitter so you can go out on a date. I always try and smile at parents struggling with their kids when we go out to eat because I totally get it. It’s hard.
10. Guilt for not spending enough time with both kids. I spent a lot of time with Little J before Little A was born. It was always me and him, so we had a lot of quality time together. When Little A was born, he had to share that time with his new sister. I felt guilt for not spending enough time with both of them and for not giving them both attention that they deserve. But you can give both kid 100% of your attention, and so even though you feel some guilt, it’s okay. They love you and you are doing your best.
11. You worry less about germs. With Little J, any time we went anywhere, I always used sanitizing wipes and wiped down anything that he could possibly touch before letting him get close. I worried about people touching his hands since he always put them in his mouth, and I worried about myself touching things like door handles and then touching my son. Obsessive, I know. With Little A, I haven’t worried nearly as much about little things like that. If she has to sit in a high chair at a restaurant, I’m fine unless she starts sucking on the table or the straps. I think with your first you worry more about those things, and then with your second, you’ve realized that kids are tough and they’ll be fine with a little germ exposure.
12. Working out gets way harder. I have found that it’s pretty much impossible to work out with a toddler. My son climbs all over me, and the only way I can really work out is if I put them in the stroller and go for a run, someone watches them, or I do it when they are both sleeping. But let’s be honest, I have other things to do while they are both sleeping. So finding time to work out is more difficult when you have two kids. It is possible, though, so don’t get discouraged!
13. You care less about where you change your baby. For me, I still have two kids in diapers, and if I am not in the room with the changing pad, I am totally fine just laying them down and changing them on the ground. The secret is to make sure you keep their little booty elevated! With my first though, I would only change him on a blanket or the changing pad. And then my daughter was born and everything changed!
There are a lot of things that change when you have two kids. Some days are hard, but most days the Mister and I go to bed and lay there talking about how much we miss both of our kids and want to go wake them up. The best part is watching them play together and seeing how much they already love each other. Even though things change when your second baby is born, they change for the best and life gets so much better.
Jen says
you nailed it with this post! This is exactly what I experienced when I had my second!
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks!!! It’s definitely worth it to have two!
Kersten says
This had me laughing out loud!! All of it is so, so true. In fact, I’ve been plotting how to squeeze a shower in this afternoon since I realized my hair was a grease blob during breakfast;) It was so much easier when I just had my first lol!
Chelsea Johnson says
Haha, oh yes we’ve been there! I haven’t washed my hair in four days, so it’s pretty important to me tonight that I get to that! Sometimes all I have time for is just a quick wash, and my hair usually doesn’t get included in that!
Katie says
This was a fun post to read, since our baby #2 is coming in September. I’ve been nervous about the transition to two, but mainly excited. Jack is going to be 3.5, so I’m hoping that makes some things easier in some ways. I think what I’m most worried about is making sure Jack doesn’t feel neglected – it’s just been him and Forrest and I for so long. Hopefully the fact that my hubby is home all the time will help with that. Anyways, loved this post!!(and what kind of double stroller do you have? That one doesn’t seem monsterous like most of the ones I’ve seen!)
Chelsea Johnson says
The transition wasn’t bad at all for us. Newborns are way easier than toddlers, so that helped us a lot. Little J was 18-months-old and he didn’t get jealous, he was really interested in her, and he brought her lots of things and gave her lots of kisses. I’m sure Jack won’t be any worse. He understands and can talk to you, which will be really helpful! Plus if you get him involved in things you do with your new little guy then that might help Jack make the transition better!
We have a Graco stroller, but it’s kind of heavy to push and pretty squeaky. I don’t know if that’s just ours, but it’s sort of annoying. I kind of wish I had spent a bit more money on a nicer one, but it’s fine. It is pretty long though, and hard to maneuver through stores!
Jennifer says
Sounds like a ton of work, but you are doing an awesome job!
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks!! You just learn as you go!!
Samantha says
Ahhh, this post makes me want another one and freaks me out about having another one haha. We aren’t trying quite yet, but we definitely want at least 2 more. A big thing I worry about is not giving them equal attention. I don’t want my little man to be upset and be begging me to play with him while I’m nursing a baby, it would just break my heart! But I know that’s probably going to happen and it will be alright. Thanks for posting this!
Chelsea Johnson says
I do have struggles with that sometimes, but the key I have found is just making the time you have one-on-one more special. I like to read books, play with their favorite toys, or even just sit together and cuddle. You make it work and I promise, it won’t hurt your oldest to not be an only child anymore. Plus, when they start playing together, it’s the absolute best!
Jeanne says
You are a good writer. Your description of having a second child brought back lots of memories for me. I’m an ancient mother of six and grandmother of nine. After having our sixth baby, Papa and I would often say to each other, “What do people do all day who have only five children?” Perspective changes with each child!
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks, Jeanne! It really does change a lot with each child! Even now I’m like “what did I do all day when I only had one!?”
Alicia says
My son was first, and he was relaxed and very easy going. Then came my daughter. My son was 3 when she came along. If I put her down, she would cry so hard she would be shaking, and it looked like she was hyperventilating. She would wake up out of a dead sleep the second I carefully put her down. It was a long 6-9 months or so stuck on the couch. If my son was doing something bad, I would usually say something like, “When I get up you’re going to get in trouble!” I also felt bad because I couldn’t do much with him since I basically couldn’t move! Now that was a tough transition. Now, they’re 6 and almost 3. I still find it hard to keep up with everything, but it’s getting easier. After the first one starts kindergarten, you slowly start having more time for showers, and all that fun stuff. It’s also great they can play and have fun with each other, but it doesn’t come without the, “Mom, she isn’t sharing! Mom, mom, mom, mom!!!” Lol, kids… gotta love them!
Chelsea Johnson says
It’s crazy how different kids can be! Some need a lot of attention and some don’t! And my kids are at the point where they will play together in their playroom and I love it! It’s so fun to watch them, and nice to be able to get things done without worrying about them!
Nichole says
hi Chelsea, that was really helpful & gave me some hope as I needed. I have my one year old now and I’ll be having another in a few months and I’ve been scared out of my mind. I’m truly excited but then I realize how much more work it is and I get overwhelmed. Anyways, really appreciate reading your blog and hope I’m as strong of a mother as you are. Also, I was wondering what double stroller that is you have because I’ve been searching everywhere and I’m just not sure which to pick and I think the one you have in the picture with your daughter and son both in the stroller, would be perfect. Thank you in advance!
Chelsea Johnson says
Just remember that people have been doing it for thousands of years, and so can you!! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading my blog! I hope I can help make motherhood easier 🙂 Having two kids is so fun, and while there are hard times, it’s so worth it 🙂 My stroller is the Graco Ready2Grow, but I actually don’t like it very much. It’s hard to steer and creaky. Plus part of it has broken in the year I’ve had it. Sorry I can’t be of more help!
Catherine Schwartz says
With little number 2 I care way less about how *cute* I dress her…people are lucky if she has clothes on at all 🙂
Chelsea Johnson says
Right?! If both kids look cute and are dressed, there must be a special occasion or something haha.
Veronica says
This is so accurate!
I love that you still expressed joy and love in motherhood…despite the changes. Too many blogs are filled with “Woe is me,” posts.
Chelsea Johnson says
Motherhood is hard, but the important thing is to see past those woes and see the joy!
Yann says
All of it is so true :)) but my boy always hit his little sister when they’re playing together. Do u hv any advice on how to handle this?
Chelsea Johnson says
Time out? Just discipline him and make sure he knows it’s not okay!!
hanna says
This had me laughing out loud too !! All of it is so true.
Chelsea Johnson says
Thanks, Hanna! Glad I could brighten your day!
Lindsey says
Ooh, this is helpful – this will be me in less than 4 months! What stroller are you using in the picture? I’m gonna have to get looking into that! Thanks!
Chelsea Johnson says
Good luck! We have the Graco Ready2Grow, but I actually wouldn’t recommend it. It’s the only Graco product I haven’t liked. It’s just super hard to turn and feels so big. I have heard amazing things about the CitySelect strollers with the second seat, but they are pretty pricey.
Lindsey says
As a recent Mom of 2 under 2 I loved your perspective! So true! I particularly loved hearing that I’m not the only Mom who can’t seem to fit in a full shower!
I’ve seen many posts about double strollers and I wanted to share that we’ve had a great experience with our Britax Bready. It’s Been wonderfull, but it is pricey.
Chelsea Johnson says
I’ll have to check that stroller out! We just got back from Disneyland with ours and I really wish we had gotten a new one before! Oh well. Thanks, Lindsey!
Shannon says
I’ve already seen some of these changes and my second is less than a month old! Right now on maternity leave, I am actually able to spend more time with my older son than when I’m at work, but I’m worried about when I go back to work. But I think my husband is more worried – he’s a stay-at-home-dad!
Chelsea Johnson says
It’s definitely an adjustment, but you will both love it so much! And in no time (if you haven’t already) you’ll quickly feel like you can’t imagine life with just one anymore!
Kristen says
I think I saw you and your cute kids at story time a while back. Now I have two! We are available for play dates! 😉
Chelsea Johnson says
In Idaho? We actually don’t live there anymore!