Why I don’t tell people I’m pregnant until the second trimester. It’s a personal decision, but here’s something you should really consider!
My most popular post is “14 Things to Do When You Find Out You Are Pregnant.” It has almost 1 million pageviews since I wrote it a year ago, and I have gotten a lot of great feedback from it.
But one thing that has bothered me is that while I have gotten a lot of comments from people saying how helpful it was for them, I’ve also gotten a lot of people attacking the first thing I suggest.
“1. Don’t tell people until you are past the first trimester. I think family is okay to tell, but it can be smart not to tell the whole world until after the first trimester is over. I know it can be incredibly hard not to tell your friends as soon as you find out you are pregnant, but try not to post it to Facebook just yet. One of my biggest fears is having to go back and tell people that something has happened and you have had a miscarriage. The baby is most vulnerable during the first 12 weeks you are pregnant, and after the first trimester, the chance of a miscarriage drops dramatically (down to 10% of all known pregnancies). So just to be safe, try your hardest to wait until you are 13 weeks pregnant before you spread the glorious news.”
That is all. And for some reason, people pounced on that. I actually had to include a note at the beginning of the post. It says “This is my opinion on what you should do when you find out you are pregnant. It is how I feel, and I feel strongly about it. I know others will either agree or disagree, and that is fine, but it doesn’t change my experiences or my thoughts. So please be courteous about what you comment about.”
Despite that little disclaimer, I still get people all the time making rude comments about how I am wrong. So I thought it was finally time I explained myself. I want to tell you why I don’t tell people I’m pregnant until the second trimester.
With both of my pregnancies, we have told our families that we were pregnant before the second trimester. We told our families we were pregnant the first time right after we had it confirmed by the doctor, and our families the second time when I was 8 weeks pregnant. But we didn’t announce either pregnancy to everyone else until I was in the second trimester.
I think it’s totally fine to tell your family and close friends. It’s super hard not to share your exciting news with someone! The thing I recommend avoiding is posting to Facebook or Instagram that you are pregnant before the second trimester.
Like I said in my post, the chance of having a miscarriage drops from up to 25% to 10% when you hit the second trimester. It’s still possible to have a miscarriage, but because the chances are lower, I think 13 weeks is a better time to announce your pregnancy to the world.
I am going to assume that most people have friends and followers on social media that they maybe met once or twice, but probably won’t ever see again. They probably are friends with people from high school that they haven’t spoken to since graduation. That’s a pretty common thing. The problem that I personally have with announcing your pregnancy before the second trimester is that if something does happen, you then have to go back and tell everyone that you lost the baby.
I would SO much rather just tell my family and close friends because that is where my support system lies. Not in my Facebook friends I never talk to, and not in my Instagram followers. My family and close friends are the ones I want by my side in the event of a miscarriage, and I don’t want random people telling me they are so sorry for me through an online message or comment.
I think it’s completely fine if you want to mourn the loss of your baby publicly. It’s not shameful to have a miscarriage, because they are very common. I am not trying to say that we need to hide miscarriages, but if it was me, I would hate to have to tell people over and over again that I lost the baby.
Yes, you can lose your baby at any time. You might be in that horrible 10% of women who lose their baby after the first trimester. And that sucks.
The decision of when to tell people you are pregnant is personal, and it is different for everyone. But this is my blog, and I am going to share my advice and my opinion on it, even if people disagree. Because I really do think that when you find out you are pregnant, it’s one of the first things you need to decide. And personally, I would wait until after the first trimester.
Julie says
I don’t necessarily agree but don’t think you’re wrong. I think people should announce whenever they feel is right for them and understand that once it’s out on social media then it’s out for good. I think like you said that’s your personal decision and it’s not right or wrong because it’s an opinion and you, just like everyone else, are allowed to have one. Sorry people were so mean to you. You didn’t deserve that for speaking what you believe. I told my coworkers before the 2nd trimester because I work with hazardous chemicals so it made my job much easier because everyone understood when I said nope not doing that!
Chelsea Johnson says
It is absolutely a personal decision! I just think people need to think about it before they announce it, just in case! Thanks for sharing!
Jordan says
I don’t think any one answer works for everyone. You do you! I like waiting until the first ultrasound. For the last two pregnancies I told family right away because I didn’t want to have to hide that I felt so sick. Both times someone told i’m Pretty sure I know who it was so this time I plan on waiting to tell family. It sucks that I can’t trust the people i’d Love support from, but I guess that’s the situation that I have ♀️ I’ll tell family just a couple days before I announce publicly and make it very clear they can’t tell ANYONE until it is announced on social media anyway, the “tell family and friends early but wait for the second trimester to announce” idea is just laughable to my situation ♀️
Chelsea Johnson says
Yes, it’s definitely a personal choice. There are a lot of factors that go into making the decision, I’m just explaining my reasons for waiting!
Cindy says
Hiiii Chelsea,
I am in such agreement with you also . I myself tell my close family members(parents and siblings) and my very close friends in my early pregnancy .Only when its quite obvious that I am pregnant due to belly bump , then I would tell others I am pregnant. People ask to much questions and ask personal questions to, like baby’s due date or baby’s gender which is quite personal to me . And some folks asking these things are not even your close friends to begin with . I dont want anyone timing my baby’s arrival either or asking why baby haven’t come as yet and my due date has past. So for meis a personal thing. Your advice and opinion is so simple to understand but yet folks got crap to say geeez so simple to undersatand that what if after announcing your pregnancy , you unfortunately had a miscarriage , how bad is it for people to be still asking about your baby . Chelsea great job , no matter what you do people always finds a way to be rude . Instead of criticizing you they should write their own blog
Chelsea Johnson says
Yes, it is absolutely a personal thing! Thank you for sharing! And I agree 🙂
bianca mc guire says
i agree i found out i was pregnant at 4 weeks and told the world and then we lost the baby and that was tough and every body wants to know how is the pregnancy going and then you have to tell them that broke me every time. my second pregnancy we waiter till 3 months and by baby is 7 months now and im glad i waited the second time as the first 3 months is not garenteed that the baby will make it. it took me 2 years go move on and it still breaks my heart every day
Chelsea Johnson says
Biana, I’m so sorry! That must have been awful, and I’m sure it’s still hard. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Nettie says
I 100% agree with this my husband and I have been trying for a while and when we found out we were pregnant we told everyone! Then a few weeks later we found out the pregnancy wasn’t going to work out and we had to tell all the people we told, it was heartbreaking every time someone asked me how the baby was I had to have that conversation over and over again, we didn’t even realize how many people we told until we had to tell them it didn’t work out. So we find out in a few days if we are again and this time well be waiting for that 2nd trimester to tell people!
Chelsea Johnson says
I’m so sorry you went through that. I can’t even imagine how hard that would be to have to repeat it over and over again. Congrats on this pregnancy and I hope everything goes well!
A. Petersen says
I truly love and appreciate this post. I’ve had three miscarriages myself, two healthy babies, and I am expecting again. I always lived by not telling anyone until after your first trimester, but I learned with my first miscarriage that it was important for me to have a support system of women to help me through it. That’s why my rule is that I only tell people about my pregnancies that I would feel comfortable talking about a miscarriage with, mostly sister in laws, close girlfriends, and my sweet mother in law who also has experienced pregnancy loss.
Chelsea Johnson says
That’s a great rule. I’m so sorry for your losses, and congratulations on your newest pregnancy! I wish you the best of luck! And thanks for sharing!
Jennifer says
I 100% agree with you….. After 13 miscarriages myself….. Yes I said it 13!!! and dealing with infertility and hormones…. I stopped telling anyone because I didn’t want to hear the “I am so sorry” or the best….
“Well just be thankful you have two healthy boys”
Gee Thanks Karen, I am very thankful but I’d also like my husband who is raising two boys that aren’t his to have one of his own, so while I am thankful and know I am blessed, doesn’t change how hard miscarriages are. (this makes me wanna beat them with a sock full of batteries)
Chelsea Johnson says
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you had to go through that 13 times! I can’t even imagine! Thank you for sharing your experience!! And good luck!